I'm really not sure why but Instant Messenger conversations with Y. tend to throw off my plans to work for the day. Our conversations are usually brief and usually we just update each other and how we both are and what we are doing. Today he was complaining that he might have to go to China--yeah, yeah, I know poor baby! My main concern here though is that I tend to get nothing done for the rest of the day. I really don't understand myself here. I'm not consciously pining for his company.
Maybe it's just sad that our conversations have become so superficial? Maybe it just reminds me how much I enjoyed having him around and regret that I never told him so until after he was gone? Or could it be deeper?
Do I really need to stop talking to him if I want to become unstuck? I question this all the time. Partially because I don't want to cut him out of my life and he gets so unhappy every time I have tried to just remove Instant Message from my computer. I don't like making him unhappy. I'd rather just understand myself better so that my conversations with him didn't send my whole day awry. My day is my responsibility and it doesn't seem as though cutting him out of my life really meets my responsibility to myself. It seems like running away.
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